Anyone Else But You
by JessieeRebecca
Summary: When Clarke finds herself pregnant with her best friend Bellamy Blake's baby she tries to do the right thing. Emotions and such get in the way of her already complicated situation, but in the end it'll all work out...won't it? JUNOxTHE100 CROSSOVER Title from the song Anyone Else by the Moldy Peaches (total Bellarke theme)
1. Fall

It all started with a chair.

I had just slipped the last scrap of clothing I had on and climbed into Bellamy Blake's lap. He made a soft sighing sound as it happened. That was that. But I'm standing here almost two months later staring at what I can only describe as:  
"The most beautiful discarded living set ever."  
BARK BARK BARK  
"Jesus Banana! Shut your friggin gob!"

***

It's a cold autumn day as I walk to the liquor store down the way, drinking a gallon of Sunny D as I go, admiring how everyone is just staring at me like I'm strange. The wind was blowing slightly as I entered the store. My bladder felt like it was going to burst, the Sunny D was not a good idea at all.  
"Well, well. If it isn't Griffin the crime dog. Back for another test?" The cashier asked. I headed straight for the pregnancy tests...yippe. I grabbed one and headed for the cashier  
"I think the first one was defective. I mean the plus sign looked more like a division symbol so I remain unconvinced." I reached for the key to the restroom. He slid it back.  
"Third test today mama bear. Your eggo is preggo. No doubt about it." He said holding the key up.  
"It's real easy to tell" said a random girl with curly hair. "Is your nipples real brown?" I rolled my eyes and scoffed.  
"Maybe your little boyfriends got mutant sperms and knocked you up twice."  
"SILENCIO old man! Look I just drank my weight in Sunny D and I gotta go pronto." I snapped holding my hand out. He handed me the key finally.  
"Well you know where the lavatory is..." I snatched it out of his hands. "And pay for that pee stick when you're done! It's not yours just because you mark it with your urine!"  
I saluted him with the key and walked over.  
Yeah yeah whatever. I better get this over with because I already know the outcome, I just can't believe it. I get into the restroom and sit, unboxing the stupid test, and finally going. When I was finished I looked at the blank little space that would determine my existence continuing or ending. Nothing. So I get up, wash my hands and head out.  
"What's the prognosis fertile myrtle?" Cashier asks. I continue to stare at it.  
"Nothing yet, it's not seasoned enough." I look up at him then back down. "Oh look that that. Stupid little pink plus sign. It's so unholy." I start to shake the test frustrated.  
"This ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is a doodle that can't be undid Homeskillet." There's a pack of licorice rope so I grab that.  
"I'll take these too." Maybe I can hang myself with them. I pay and head home, carrying my test in my jacket pocket and tying the red licorice into a noose. It's dark when I get home, perfect, I throw one end over the tree and put the noose on my neck. No...I can't do this. So I bite into it and chew as I enter my house. There's really only one person I can call about this. So I run upstairs to my room, grab my hamburger shaped phone and dial.  
"Yo yo yiggity yo." Raven says. Totally aloof, totally blissful because she's not facing her family killing her.  
"I'm at suicide risk." I say.  
"Clarke?"  
"No it's Thelonius Jaha, have any chips you need swallowing?"  
"Only the one in my pants" she laughs.  
"I'm pregnant."  
You could hear Raven sit up and choke on her words.  
"What? Honest to blog?" She asks like I'm insane.  
"Yeah, yeah." I sigh. "It's Blake's."  
"It's probably just a food baby or something. Did you have a big lunch?" She says concerned.  
"No! It's not a damn food baby. I've taken like 3 pregnancy tests. I'm for shiz up the spout." I almost yell into the phone. This was not the reaction I was seeking.  
"Holy crap. How do you even generate enough pee for 3 tests, that's amazing..." She trails.  
"I drank like 10 tons of Sunny D. Now I'm telling you I'm pregnant and you're acting surprisingly cavalier about it." I snap. I feel like crying.  
"Is this for real?" She whispers. "Like for REAL for real?"  
"Um. Yeah."  
"Oh my god! Holy shit! Phuket, Thailand!" She screams.  
"Yup that's the reaction I was looking for on the first take."  
"Oh my god...so what're you gonna do Clarke, are you gonna keep it or..."  
"No." I interrupt her. "I can't keep this."  
"Are you going to go to the hospital because you're gonna need a parent, or Women Now! ?"  
"I'm gonna go to Women Now! because they help women now..." I say. I sigh and fall back onto my bed. Covering my face with one arm I sigh once more. "Hey before I schedule that appointment, can you help me with something?"  
We're at Mr. Pike's house at 8pm. It's freaking dark out but I need this discarded living set like I need to get rid of my little 'problem'. So me and Raven are loading it into her car. Chair, rug, lamp, and table.  
"So this thing is Bellamy Blake's?" She asked, helping me shove the magnificent brown leather reclining chair into the trunk.  
"Yeah...Blake is surprisingly good in chair." I said struggling to push it in. We succeed!  
"So was it premeditated?"  
"The sex? Yes. Pregnancy? No." I laugh.  
"You're so in love with each other." Raven said, shutting the trunk closed. We stared at each other and she smiled slowly at my hot, most likely red, most likely smiling face. We get in the car and drive to the destination and set the furniture tastefully on the grass. Shushing one another as we keep on giggling.  
In the car she finally asks me, "So how was it?" She giggles, poking my side. I throw my head back and let out a loud, held in breath.  
"AMAZING."

I went home later to endure dinner with my mom and stepdad Markus. My dad died when I was 6 so I didn't really get to know him, but we visit him every year on the anniversary and leave flowers on his grave. It's really morbid and sad but we all miss and love him, a year after my mom started to date his best friend and they got married. So much for mourning but my parents seem to be super happy so that's good. The thing about Markus though is he owns a couple businesses in our area and one just happens to be a nail salon, I laugh at him every time he comes home from his weekly checkups there because he always smells like acetone and has his nails buffed by the ladies that work there. He claims nail buffing is so in but I don't believe a word of it. My mom is a doctor so she's usually super busy and I have this overwhelming surge of feeling abandoned but whenever she's home it's pretty sweet, especially if my little sister Glass is hanging out with us. Yeah her name is Glass, I'm almost 100% sure my mom was on crack when she named her but no one's teased her about her name.  
"So Clarke, what'd you do today?" Markus asked me. Even though we're not blood he and I get along super great.  
"What besides move an entire living room into someone's lawn, or downing an extra large blue slushie in under 3 minutes, nothing." I said smirking. I poked at my dinner which was kind of gross. Nasty looking meatloaf with broccoli and a baked potato slathered in butter. My stomach was roiling.  
"Clarke did you throw up in the urn?" Mom asked.  
"What?"  
"The urn smelled funny and had a weird blue liquid in it. Did you throw up in it?" She said. I shook my head no.  
"I would never throw up in the urn mom." I said, recalling the very second I did puke up that delicious slushie. Such a waste if you ask me but oh so worth it.  
My sister added way more bacon on her baked potato than anyone at the table had. I stared at it and laughed that it was pretty much bacon with a little potato.  
"Glass, if you put one more baco on that potato I'm gonna kick your little monkey butt." Mom said. Glass smiled in response and dumped the last handful on it.

***

The next day I got up extra early and biked to Bellamy's house. I knew he was getting ready to go running with the rest of the track team in his red and gold uniform with his lame morning hot pocket. I sat down on the chair Raven and I had moved there last night and put an old fashioned pipe in my mouth, it wasn't pot or filled with anything, just for show, but I sat anxiously waiting for him to come out in his tiny gold shorts. It wasn't long before he did. He came jogging out the door, small gold shorts, red T shirt, high socks and white shoes with red accents, and these tiny sweat bands he always had on his wrists for some reason I've never understood.  
"Oh, hey Clarke." He said nervously, his big brown eyes darted all around him, finally settling on me and my living set. "I like your tiger, it's really um...enticing." I pulled the pipe out of my mouth.  
"Thanks I stole it from Pikes lawn." I smiled at him.  
"That's cool." He shifted.  
"Your shorts are especially gold today." I noted. His tan legs stuck out from them, the color making him darker than he really was.  
"Yeah my mom uses color safe bleach." He smiled. Ugh he was adorable.  
"Go Aurora." I said. How do you tell someone you slept with one time that he got you pregnant?  
"I should be running." He said, gazing at the team that had just passed, their shoes smacking on the pavement. The sound of physical exercise alone made me nauseous especially because it's like, their junk is all bouncing around and as much as I seriously try to not think about it, all I see are pork swords. Track should not even exist it's disgusting.  
"So guess what..." I started.  
"What?" He looked around.  
"I'm pregnant." I mumble.  
His face fell. It looked confused, happy, and angry at the same time.  
"So um...what...what should we," he started nervously.  
"I'm just gonna nip it in the bud and make an appointment at Women Now! you know before the situation gets worse. I'm just letting you know. Especially since in health class, pregnancy typically leads to an infant."  
"Oh..yeah I guess. I mean typically that's what happens when our mothers and teachers get pregnant."  
"But yeah I'll see you at school." I got up and headed towards my bike looking at him one last time before pedaling away. God that was embarrassing.

***

So school is boring enough, but going to school with life shattering news is worse. Everything honestly is going wrong today, like I was just grabbing my chemistry book out of my locker, and it falls apart.  
"Looks like your book fell apart Griffin." John Murphy called, laughing. I leaned down to gather the papers and cover.  
"Yeah looks like it."  
"Must've seen your face." He laughed. He and his group of douchebags started laughing but I know something the rest of them don't. John Murphy wants me. He wants a weird, nerdy girl. Like one that dresses in all black, wears geek glasses and has stringy hair, her moms jeans, Birkenstock sandals, and a Hawaiian shirt but will one day end up like a school librarian or something. Oh yeah he's so freaky. I catch him look back and wink at me. Yup it's a jock thing, secretly wanting the nerds, but you'd think they'd want a cheerleader type like Raven. Secretly SHE likes teacher types.  
"Oh my god! I love Devon Bostick too!" She gushed to Mr. Collins, placing her hands over her heart and smiling. So gross. The bell rings and I head over to my science class. It's kind of weird because Bellamy is in the class with me but, I'll try to make it less awkward...if that's even possible.  
"Ok class we're doing a workshop so get into lab groups and set up." Our teacher says. I groan and grab my things, I headed over to a table and Bellamy pops up next to me.  
"Hey so...this will be fun I guess. I did the lab questions last night so you guys can copy or something." He says pulling the papers out of his binder. Two more students show up.  
"Aw Blake, I could never copy your work." I say.  
"But...you copy it every week."  
"Yeah you're right...I kind of suck as a lab partner." I mumble, looking down at my shoes.  
"No I feel we all bring something to the table. Even you." He looks at me and smiles, his freckles are like little angel kisses all over his face.  
"Yeah...charisma maybe?" I grin. We stare at each others for a few seconds before our partners interrupt our moment.  
"Okayyy well I've got a menstrual migraine so I can't look at bright lights today." The girl, Mel, says crossing her arms. The guy next to her was sullen.  
"I told you Mel, go to the infirmary and lay down" Sterling said.  
"I told you Sterling, I don't take orders from you, or any other man." She snaps, turning to face him.  
"You know, you've been acting this way since I got back from visiting my cousin in Harrisonburg...I already told you nothing happened!" Well this is awkward, I glance at Bellamy as if to ask him what should we do.  
"I'm just gonna set up this apparatus thing right here...Clarke do you want to plug in the Bunsen Burner?" He said cautiously. I nod.  
"My pleasure!" And I do it. But it doesn't help distract the couple.  
"I'm going to the nurse." Mel says finally.  
"Good, call me when you're off the rag!" Sterling yells.  
"Fine! Call me when you know how to love a girl and not cheat on her! Especially when you visit your cousin and have a bottle of Smirnoff Ice and Snow Peak Peach flavored Boones!" Mel cries and stomps off.  
"I will Mel! I'll be sure to take note of that!" He yells after her. We all glance at each other uncertain of what had just happened.  
"I've heard that um...Snow Peak Peach flavored Boones is the best flavor. Isn't that right Blake?" I turn and look at Bellamy who looks like he swallowed a hot coal. He nods in agreement though, and so does Sterling.

***

So after such an eventful day I kept the mojo running and called Women Now! when I got home.  
"Hi my name is Clarke Griffin...yeah I'm calling to procure a hasty abortion..." The lady on the other side went in and out like static. "One second sorry." I shook my phone a couple times. "Sorry I'm on my hamburger phone, but yes, a hasty abortion. I don't want to discuss my options." She asked about my age. "I'm 17...yeah...how far along am I? Well I think the sex happened around 2 months and four days ago but that's just a total guess. Ok so tomorrow at 4?" She confirmed. "Great thank you." Finally that was out of the way and I could breathe without this crushing weight on my chest. I mean it's one little thing about having unprotected sex...I don't care that Bellamy and I slept together, I just wish we weren't such dumbasses and used protection like the smart little teens we were. But no, I wasn't thinking that he'd actually get me pregnant for our first time. I mean...I don't like this situation, it's not ideal, but the fact it's Bellamy's kid makes me kind of happy. Oh god that sounds so wrong. Either way I had to handle it and this is the only way I can think of that won't get me into any trouble and my parents won't find out...yet.

***  
I had called Raven and had arranged for her to come get me at 5 after the procedure was done. What was I doing? Could I honestly say I could go through this? Yes. Yes. Yes. I can't have this getting out of hand, I was already pressing my luck on time.  
"All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned!" Cried a girl from my school; I vaguely remembered her name, Fox. She held a sign that showed a sonogram photo of a baby with the words "All life is precious" in big red font above and under it.  
"Hey Foxy how's it going? Did you start that paper for Greens class yet?" I asked casually, I knew she wouldn't spill this to anyone. The girl was a small, cute, idiot.  
"Oh..hi Clarke. No I haven't, I haven't been able to focus." She replied softly, looking down.  
"Well hey I can sell you some of my Adderall if you wanted." Fox shook her head.  
"No thanks, I'm off pills."  
"That's probably for the best you know I heard this one girl took way too many and then like, tore off her clothes and jumped into that giant fountain in the mall and screamed 'GRRRR I'M A BLOODY KRIKEN FROM THE SEAAA' " I acted it out for more emphasis, waving my arms around just like I remembered it.  
"I heard that was you." She replied. Damn it, not my best moment.  
"Well it was good seeing you Foxy." I snapped then walked past her. I didn't stop until she called out to me.  
"Your baby has a heartbeat you know! It can feel. And it has fingernails!" What?  
"Fingernails really?" I scoffed to myself then proceeded to walk into the building. It was gross, like a doctor's office. The waiting room was this ugly brown and there were already a slew of older women, some with children, some without, filling out paperwork on the dirty old couches. You'd think for a clinic it'd be nicer to entice people right? Rolling my eyes i walked over to the receptionist desk where a girl with a purple streak in her hair was playing away on her DS.  
"Welcome to Women Now! where we help women of all ages, please surrender any firearms and or explosives including your will to live." She deadpanned.

"Woah hey, I'm just here for the show...and some medical experience." I said raising my hands in surrender. The girl in front of me was in her teens obviously but she had a million piercings and super dark eyeliner and lipstick on. One of those rebel or goth types I suppose.

"What's your name?"

"Clarke Griffin."

She probably thinks I'm lying about that. My name is pretty weird for a girl at least. Who names their little girl Clarke? Especially since my last name is Griffin, that IS pretty uncommon especially around these parts of my state. Anyways she hands me a clipboard with a paper demanding all of my information on it.

"Do you want a free condom? They're boysenberry flavored. They make my boyfriend taste like pie afterwards." She laughed. Was this chick high or something?

"Uh no...I'm off sex for right now." I said waving my hand around for more emphasis. She rolled her eyes and went back to playing her video game, I salute her and head to an over stuffed, well worn out couch and sit. I clicked the pen open, and close and open again while I read over what they needed from me. But something weird happened, all I could think about was that stupid comment Fox said about the fingernails and suddenly I heard every single nail in the room. The lady across from me was picking hers, and from there another lady was tapping them against her clipboard, and finally another filed them. But it gets worse see there are kids in here too and they're biting their nails and tapping them and I just couldn't take it anymore. I sprinted out of that building and didn't look back, but I did hear Fox call out that God appreciates my precious miracle. Yeah will this 'precious miracle' was about to get my damn head cut off.

Raven was leaving her house for the day when I ran up to her. The face she gave me was priceless, total confusion and shock, but there was some concern in it.

"What's up? I thought I was picking you up at 4?" She asked from up on her porch.

"I couldn't do it. It smelled like a dentist's office, there was a psycho behind the desk talking about her boyfriend's pie balls from these stupid condoms that look like freaking grape lollipops, and oh my gosh! Fox was outside! And she was like 'oh hi your baby has fingernails' FINGERNAILS!" I said holding up my hands, palms facing me so Raven could understand what I was feeling. She didn't.

"Oh that's so messed up what if it claws you on its way out?" She joked.

"Raven I'm serious." I whispered putting my head down. Tears pricked my eyes, threatening to come out, I shoved them down as best as I could before I glanced back up at my best friend. Her face was twisted with amusement and concern for me.

"Well then, let's grab a newspaper and hit those dumb pennysaver ads." She suggested. Oh lord those ads were so lame half the time, especially the ones near the exotic bird section which I knew Raven would hit up before even bothering to help me find some good adoptive parents for my Bellarke baby. I sighed and nodded, her face looked determined.

"Well then, let's grab a slushie and go to the park and find those desperately seeking spawn people!" She cheered. And with that being said, we piled into her car and did just that. I found us sitting in the park slurping down another Big Blue (sans the puking) while reading about lonesome families. But of all times for her to take things seriously is the day I wish I didn't.

"What about this one: Wholesome family of three waiting for a miracle, help us get the chance to expand our loving family." She reads.

"I want a parakeet." I mumble. A thwack rang through the air as Raven hit me with her newspaper.

"Hey!" I cry out. She rolls her eyes at me.

"Clarke you have to pick one of these!"

"But I hate when people describe themselves as wholesome, who are you trying to fool? There's no good guys on this planet!" I reply, exasperated.

"Ok what about this family of five asking for help in continuing the circle of love." She read in a funny voice. Good god a circle of love? I'm never going to find a family for this kid.

"That sounds like a cult. You know why can't there be an interior designer or something with a super cool girlfriend who rocks out on bass guitar and always smells like...I don't know the Michael Kors store?" I gain another eye roll from Raven. We continue flipping through the pages until I find them. The perfect family. Lexa and Costia Groundling, two perfect moms looking for their perfect child for their perfect world. They were exactly what I was looking for.

I had told my parents to gather in the living room for my big announcement. Sort of prayed to whatever God would listen to me, an irresponsible teenager who got pregnant on her first time, for mercy. I knew it was a long shot but I had to. Raven sat off to the side picking at her nails while I paced back and forth on the gross, brown shag carpet we had. Why did we even have this? It's disgusting, like walking in mud.

"What's up Clarke?" Kane asked me.

"Yes is there something you need?" My mom continued, their faces contorted with concern as I let a giant sigh.

"What do you need? Did someone die?" They asked me.

"Dude I think you should just tell them." Raven said from her little nook. I threw my head back.

"No nothing that serious. And I swear I'm not asking for much except maybe mercy. It'd be sweet if no one killed me." My mom and Kane scooted closer in their seats, my mom put her book down and stared at me expectantly.

"I'm pregnant." I say. Their faces went stony.

"Oh god." Mom whispered.

"But I swear I've taken care of it. I found this great couple that wants to take it and they're going to pay for all medical expenses. And when it's over some uh, 30 odd weeks later we can forget it happened right?" I say super fast.

"You're pregnant?" Kane asks, completely shell shocked.

"Yes...but if it's any consolation I have heartburn that's radiating to my kneecaps and I haven't been able to hold down my food since Wednesday. Morning!"

"I didn't even know you were sexually active." My mom mumbled.

"I um…"

"Who's the kid?" Kane asks. I put my hands on my belly and moved them around a bit.

"The baby? I don't really know much about it except it's got fingernails apparently." I say hoping to drive the conversation elsewhere.

"Fingernails? Really?" He asks. I nod as my mom cuts in.

"No Clarke! The father. Who's the father?" She asks.

"Oh um it's...Bellamy Blake." I say wanting to avoid that topic.

"Blake? Really?" My mom says.

"What?"

"Didn't know he had it in him." She mumbles. With that I sigh and sit down next to Raven, she puts an arm around me and squeezes tight.

"I know right?" Raven says. I shove her off of me. Tears threaten my eyes again as I look at my mom.

"I just thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when." She says. Her disappointment radiates.

"I don't really know what kind of girl I am." I mumble. God the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint my mom. I had sacrificed so much for her to be proud of me in the wake of my dad dying I even gave up art and music so I could do the doctor thing like she does. Her eyes looked everywhere around the room but at me, Kane looked right at me with determination for some reason. It was nice.

"I just, I'm not ready to be a mother yet." I said simply, like that would do any good.

"Damn skippy you're not. You have no mothering instinct in your body yet I mean for goodness sake you forget to give Glass her breathing meds!" My mom yelled.

"Ok that was one time and she did not die as you recall." I snapped.

"I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but have you considered the...well the other option?" Kane asked. Clearly he was implying my failed trip to Women Now!

"No." I said sarcastically. He grinned and winked at me.

"Our little trooper, huh Abby?" She wasn't paying any attention, instead her mind always at work making a list of things to do I could tell by her eyes drifting in and out of focus.

"Ok." My mom started. "We need to get you prenatal vitamins and schedule a doctor's appointment, we also need to get you healthy so no more junk food for you. And Clarke?"

"Yeah…"

"I'm going with you to meet that family. I don't want you getting screwed over by some child starved wingbats." She said. It wasn't a question so I nodded eagerly to make her happy. It was kind of soothing knowing she wasn't going to kick me out.

"Yeah that's great. I'll um...I'll just go upstairs then." I said grabbing Raven's hand and dragging her up the stairs halfway. We stopped to listen to what they'd say next. My mom let out a giant breath.

"When she told us to come here I swear I thought it was going to be anything but this." She started.

"I was worried she got expelled." Kane replied.

"I thought she was into hard drugs. God Bellamy Blake how did this happen? Is this my fault?"

"I think kids get bored and have intercourse. Look Abby, Clarke is going to be fine, she's handling this very well for her age."

"I'm not ready to be a grandma…" her voice wavered.

"Abby listen to me, you're not going to be a grandma. Some loving family is going to receive a precious blessing from Jesus in the garbage dump of a situation. But also, I'm gonna punch that Blake kid in the wiener next time I see him." Kane mumbled. My mom let out a small laugh that made me feel good.

"Oh Marcus, you know it wasn't his idea...I don't think." I let out a breath of relief. Maybe things would get better after all.

So that Saturday my mom ripped me out of bed and forced me into the car to go meet the lucky couple adopting my life lesson. My mom's hands gripped the steering wheel as we headed over to their home, it was almost an hour away but the drive was silent. It made me feel kind of terrible.

"You know I looked up their lawyer after we called them, she's legit." I said. Like that would lighten the mood! I was seventeen and pregnant, what once was a promising future looked so bleak now, what if the adoption falls through and I'm stuck with the kid? I had barely convinced my parents to not tell Bellamy's mother he was going to be a dad. She looked over at me and gave me a tight smile.

"Mom I'm really sorry." I mumbled.

"I know you are honey it's just...it's hard to process. But I'm glad you're taking responsibility for this." She said.

"I just don't want you disappointed in me. I should've known better, I mean you're a doctor and I knew the risks but…"

"Clarke. What's done is done. You can't change the outcome now, let's just get to the families house and get the process started." She said. I knew then to keep my mouth shut for the last half of the ride. We started to go into the neighborhood which was mansion central, so this kid was going to be well off. The miracle home came into view and we parked on the street, I adjusted my shirt and pulled up my jeans a bit once I got out.

"I'm not disappointed in you." My mom said. She came over to me and hugged me, I melted into it immediately, holding tight. We pulled away after a minute, mom held me at arm's length and pushed some hair behind my ear.

"Let's meet these people." She whispered. The door was huge and the bell was loud. A woman in her early thirties with dark skin and curly black hair answered the door. Her smile was warm and inviting but also very practiced, she also had on a purple dress jacket on with dark blue skinny jeans on.

"Hi! You must be Clarke Griffin." She smiled brightly.

"Hey." I replied shyly.

"Hello, I'm Abigail Griffin, thank you for having me and my irresponsible daughter over." My mom said with a grin. Such a joker that one.

"I'm Costia Groundling, come in you two! Can I take your coats?" She asked. I'll be honest I was pretty shocked Costia was a girl, I thought it'd be some foreign dude with a mustache and a mop of thick brown hair but, this was cool too. Costia didn't wait for an answer and helped us both shrug our coats off, as she hung them up another woman came down the stairs smiling. Her long brown hair was in a loose braid and she was dressed more comfortably than Costia was, in a pair of black leggings and a blue loose fitting long sleeved shirt.

"This is my wife Lexa." Costia beamed. Lexa nodded and looked at us.

"Oh hey! Wicked picture in the pennysaver ad! I mean it was so much classier than the people in front of the fake woods. Who are they trying to kid?" I said. Costia looked confused.

"You found us in the pennysaver?" She asked. Lexa looked scared, but quickly changed her attitude when the lawyer came in.

"Hi, I'm Callie Shumway, shall we get started?" She asked. We all nodded and headed into their enormous living room, all white of course. My mom and I sat down on one couch and Lexa sat on the other.

"Can I get you anything to drink? I have pellegrino, iced tea, vitaminwater…" Costia trailed.

"I'll have some moonshine if you've got it, throw some strawberries in too please." I joked. Costia was taken aback while Lexa bit her tongue trying to not laugh.

"Humor. It's one of the many genetic gifts my child has to offer." My mom said through fitted teeth. She elbowed me in the ribs as Costia sat down and gave us an uncomfortable smile. The lawyer shifted and gathered some papers in her hand then looked at me.

"So how far along are you?" She asked.

"I'm a junior." I joked. I guess they didn't realize it because they asked me how far my pregnancy had come along again, I rolled my eyes and told them.

"I'm twelve weeks along, doctor said yesterday.." Costia shifted closer to Lexa and flashed me a big smile.

"That's great, you're entering your second trimester."

"Um, yeah I guess I am. I'm due on May fourth." I said.

"That's great! I've heard from my girlfriends, that the first couple of months are the hardest." I shook my head.

"No not for me, I hardly noticed. I am a little concerned when they have to put the stretchy, elastic in my jeans so they fit." I replied. Costia laughed and Lexa smiled politely.

"I think pregnancy is beautiful."

"You're lucky it's not you." I said sternly. Wrong thing to say obviously because they were adopting this kid, they had been trying for years obviously but no luck. Costia's face fell, and twisted into jealousy as she stared at my stomach, I shifted in my spot.

"So how are we going to do this...thing?" Lexa piped up from her spot. She twisted her long braid and adjusted herself away from Costia, resting her arm the the back of the couch.

"Don't I just have the thing and give it to you?" I asked. My mom and I were both pretty confused, that seemed to be the game plan at first.

"Well, Costia and Lexa were willing to negotiate and open adoption. Send you photos and updates of how the child is doing as she or he grows up, maybe even a few visits now and then." My head started to ache.

"No, no, I don't need any photos or updates. Can't we just do this old school where I put it in a basket and send it your way? Like Moses and the Reeds?"

"Technically that's kicking it Old Testament." Lexa winked at me.

"Yes! Like in the good old days, when it was quick and dirty." I laughed.

"Ok so a traditional closed adoption is what's best for both parties." The lawyer said.

"Whew! Let's wrap this all up."

"Obviously we'd compensate you for your medical expenses." Lexa said.

"Are you looking for any other kinds of compensation?" Costia cut her off. My mom and I glanced at each other and I could tell we were thinking the same thing.

"Excuse me?" Mom asked. The look Costia gave us was unsettling, as if that's what she expected me to ask for. More money. God it felt so wrong and disgusting to even think about. I mean who does that?

"I don't want to sell it to you!" I cried. They both looked relieved.

"Look I just want...I just want the baby to be given to two people who are going to love it and take good care of it. I don't want anything more or less. I mean, I'm in highschool...I'm ill equipped." I told them. Costia gave me a huge grin, clearly pleased that I had sort of complimented her.

"She's always wanted to be a mom." Lexa said, Costia nodded in agreement.

"It's true, I want to be a mommy so badly." She said proudly.

"You don't say?" My mom asked.

"Have you ever felt you were just born to do something?" She looked at my mom.

"Yes, neurosurgery." My mom replied.

"There you go. I was born to be a mother, some of us just are." I looked at the two of them, they seemed so happy together.

"What about you Lexa? Are you excited?" I asked her.

"What?" She asked confused.

"Are you excited to...you know also be a mother?" I asked again. Weird.

"Oh sure, who doesn't want to drive carpool and...help with science fair stuff where the volcano erupts and gets everywhere...yeah. Excited." She mumbled. Lawyer woman cleared her throat and shifted her papers around.

"Let's go over some other preliminary documents now, so we can get on with the day." She grinned. I smiled back and suddenly felt weird to my stomach like I was going to vomit.

"Um, can I use the restroom, being pregnant has made me have to go like every five minutes." I asked uncomfortably.  
"OH of course, the bathroom down here is being retiled but if you go upstairs to the right and then…" I jumped off the couch and ran up.

"Room with a toilet, I got it." I called. Halfway up the feeling in my stomach went away, but I continued to go up still. The walls were beige and decorated with cheesy portraits of Costia and Lexa in all white smiling and hugging one another, all photographed in some stupid mall photo center no doubt. They came off as a perfect, well together, couple but something was off still maybe it was just because I was meeting them for the first time. Once I reached the top of the stairs I located the master bedroom and bathroom, they were enormous. A big fluffy comforter dressed their giant king sized bed, the carpet was squishy under my boots. I rounded the corner and entered into a huge bathroom, the mirror was floor to ceiling and the tile was red and reminded me of the rocks in Arizona. The lines swirled gracefully, red, white, and brown all in neat little squares. I looked at myself in the mirror, blonde wavy hair pinned half back, my grey thermal looked a little dirty, my red flannel was really bright under the fluorescent lights. I smoothed my hair down a bit, looking down I noticed the various beauty products on the counter. Bottles and containers full of creams and lotions rested there, I grabbed one and opened it. It smelled like citrus, it was so nice I took a little and applied it to my face. I giggled to myself because I had put it into stripes like a baseball player, or Bellamy when he used to play football. There was a bottle of perfume next to the cream that just begged to be opened, so I did and sniffed it., Clinique. I stole a quick spray and decided my joke to myself wasn't that great. Curiosity tended to get me into trouble. But I took note of the cream I had taken a bit of, it was freaking delicious. With all of that done, I headed out the door and bumped into Lexa.

"Woah." I said. She gave me an awkward smile.

"Just came to grab something." She replied.

"You weren't sent up here to spy on me did you?" I joked.

"Nope, do we come off as paranoid yuppies or something?" She laughed

"Well if I'm being honest, I stole a spray of your wife's perfume. It's Clinique happy." I said, holding my wrist up.

"Really?"

"Get a whiff of those sparkling top notes." Lexa took a whiff and grinned.

"Should that make me happy then?" She asked.

"Well of course it is I'm giving you two the gift of life! And you don't even have to be there, blood and guts. Yuck. I am a little jealous of you."  
"Well we should get going downstairs." She said, so we started to walk to the stairs when out of the corner of my eye I noticed something peculiar.

"Is that a Les Paul?" I asked seriously. The guitar was simple enough to be breathtaking.

"That it is, Costia gave me a room for a lot of my stuff." Lexa explained. That sounded way too weird for even me.

"A...a whole room in your entire house for your stuff? She's got you on a long leash there huh Lexa?" I joked. I wanted to look at it closer so I walked to the room and approached the olive green beauty that rested so neatly in it's stand. I touched it and felt shivers down my spine almost like when I got a new packaged of paint brushes or new acrylics. It was so much prettier than the guitar Bellamy had gotten me a few years ago.

"You know I've always loved Gibson more than Fender." I explained.

"Really now? What do you play?" Lexa asked, she sat down at a keyboard. A bunch of computers nested near it.

"I play a harmony, oh my God is this mahogany? What happens if you crack the neck I mean…"

"Yeah it is, it's a bitch to repair. I used to play in this band when I lived in Chicago and I busted it one night. It cost eight hundred dollars just to get it fixed." She said. She leaned back in her seat and watched me inspect it. I tried to do the math in my head of how long ago that was for her.

"How long ago was that? When you were in the band.

"'93, best time for rock music of any kind."

"Um no I'm sorry, even I know it's '77 that was the best time for rock music. Punk Volume One!" I exclaimed. Bellamy and I had always admired that time period. The feelings behind the music, we would sometimes lay in his room and just blast The Rolling Stones, The Sex Pistols, The Cure, even Fleetwood Mac all day while we hung out, one day he taught me how to play guitar and that solidified our bond.

"No way, you're crazy." Lexa said shaking her head.

"You weren't there so how could you possibly understand that magic?"

"You weren't even born yet!" She smiled warmly at me, I returned it and butterflies filled my stomach.

"Want to play it?" She asked. I nodded eagerly and started strumming Doll Parts, Lexa stood up and grabbed another guitar and started strumming along with me. It wasn't long before I started singing the song.

"Yeah they really want you, they really want you, they really do." Lexa joined in, but not long after that Costia showed up in the doorway. The music stopped.

"Hi." She said.

"Hey."

"You guys are playing music?" She asked, looking back and forth at us. She began to wring her hands.

"Oh yeah, Clarke here wanted a closer look at Anya." Lexa said.

"Oh cool, you named it Anya? My guitar's name is Roosevelt. Not after Ted but Franklin. You know the hot one who had polio." I laughed. Lexa joined in with me but stopped once she saw Costia's face.

"Yeah, Callie is still downstairs, we still have so much to talk about and do." Lexa stood up and removed the guitar strap from herself, I stood and did the same. She helped me get it over my head and then set them both back in their respective stands.

"Sorry to interrupt the jam session." Costia said nervously. I smiled at her, unbothered because I should have known better. I was here to negotiate and adoption not make a new jamming buddy. We headed downstairs where I was met with my mothers frown, I blushed furiously and sat next to her.

"Doll Parts really? Courtney Love is not that great missy." She whispered to me. I giggled into my hand. She'd always hated Miss Love, claimed she had someone kill poor Kurt. I hadn't believed her when she announced that conspiracy but now I sort of do.

"Ok, let's go over some of this paper work." Callie announced. I sat down and kept my mouth shut for the rest of the talk.

Callie handed my mom some papers and pointed out where we would both sign.

"Just look these over, and if you have any questions please call my office. I'd be happy to help you." She smiled. It was the nicest she had looked since we entered the house. Costia had risen from her spot to grab our coats while Lexa had stayed towards the stairs.

"Thank you so much for what you're doing for us, I can't even begin to tell you how much it means." She said, she helped me put my coat on.

"If you could just keep us updated with any doctor's appointments, or ultrasounds, or anything of that nature, that'd be amazing." She said breathlessly. She was so excited it was adorable.

"No yeah, of course I will. You want to know how your kids developing."

"Are you sure about doing this?" She asked me sadly. The question shocked me. I had signed over the life of this kid to her and she thought I wasn't serious.

"Yes."

"How sure? Are you eighty percent sure or ninety percent?"

"I'm about a hundred and ten percent sure about this. Honestly if I could have the thing now and give it to you I would in a heartbeat."

"Really?" She let out a giant breath.

"Yes! If I could I would but I'm sure it looks like a sea monkey right now, and we have to wait until it's just a tad cuter." I said. I smiled at her to reassure her.

"Keep the bun in the oven." Lexa joked.

"That's a great idea." My mom said. After that we all said our goodbyes, Costia gave me another hug, Lexa just nodded her head at us as she said it was nice to meet us. They both said thank you again as the door mom gave me a side squeeze as we headed towards the car. I looked back at the house and saw the two hugging from the windows next to the door. I knew this was the right family.


	2. Winter

Ultrasound day! I waddled to the office my stomach now prominent with pregnancy, it was weird how everyone parted the halls. Made me feel like Moses. Anyways my bump hit the desk as I handed over a note from my mom excusing me from the last half of the day for my ultrasound. It'd be my millionth one. Miss Riley gave me a judgmental look as she handed me my pass, I gave her the sweetest smile I could muster. I didn't need her judgement along with everyone else's. I put my hand on my belly and headed out of the office, a crowd surrounded Bellamy as he rehashed his weekend hijinks. I have no idea how we became such good friends or how he got so popular, but I kind of missed him. We haven't been speaking much these days, not since I got pregnant. He looked really fit in running shorts and a really

"Did you hear Clarke Griffin is pregnant?" Someone asked him. I could see his Adam's apple jerk as he nodded yes. His face looked pained.

"Did you hear it's yours?" Another person asked.

"Yeah." He said through gritted teeth. A couple of his posse snickered as I waddled past them.

"Blake." I nodded.

"Griffin." He replied. His jaw was locked tight, I could tell by the tension it held. Everyone around him began whispering. I kept walking and tried to speed up but the bump made it super uncomfortable. It was weird to think that it was a full fledged human growing inside of me, but remembering it was Bellamy's made me kind of happy. I would rather it be my best friends than some random guys or anyone else's. I don't know I wish we were older so it could be ours but I knew in my heart of hearts this kid...this kid belonged to the Groundling's. This baby was Costia's child no matter how badly I wished it wasn't. I continued the day as usual, ignoring the stares and such from my peers. The time came for me to leave school for my appointment, it was lunch time and Kane had just texted me to haul it to the car because it was freezing outside. I was trying to maneuver around the crowd that flooded the hallway. I was almost to the door when I ran into Bellamy. He held a box of donuts, his face lit up into a heartbreaking smile. I couldn't help but give him the same smile in return.

"Hey Bell." I say. We've totally stopped in the middle of the hallway not caring if people get all huffy and puffy and have to walk around us.  
"So hey, a bunch of us were going to see that movie that's supposed to be really awful and throw donut holes at the screen." He said nervously, motioning to the box in his hand.

"Do you want to come along?" He asked. My heart cried for me to say yes, but my head said no, because of this stupid baby.

"You know I would love to, but I um...I have an ultrasound today. I can't" I said. Bellamy shifted on his feet.

"Should I go...you know with you to that?" It hadn't crossed my mind that he'd even want to go after I had ignored him for the last couple of months since I discovered that I was giving the gift of life. I hadn't included him in the adoption process or anything.

"You can't waste those donut holes. Maybe I could drop by later though?" I suggested.

"Oh um, yeah I think Octavia would love to see you." He replied. I just wanted to hug him for being so sweet, and kick myself for being so awful.

"I'll see you later then, bye Blake." I smiled. The look in his eye didn't settle well with me.

"I'll save you a seat Griffin."

We both knew it'd be awhile.

Ok so the first thing you should know about ultrasounds is one: you have to pee through most of it and two: the gel is cold and sticky and gross and it makes me regret keeping this thing sometimes. Raven had come along with us, and leaned over me to look at the monitor as Kane sat down next to us. He had volunteered to take me because my mom was in a really important surgery, it was nice having him around, a good solid male figure in my life is just what I needed. But him taking an active role in this and being so cool about his step-daughter getting knocked up was also really nice. I put an arm behind my head and lifted up my shirt revealing my ever growing bump, purple stretch marks were starting to form on my pale belly. The technician arrived and dimmed the lights in the room, she also turned the monitor on and squeezed that nasty gel on my stomach. It gave me goosebumps as she started to move the contraption around looking for the baby. Soon, pictures filled the screen next to us, black and white of course, but there it was.

"Ok...so there's your baby Miss Griffin." She said happily. Raven, Kane, and I all ooed and awwed over how small and precious it was. This really was a miracle.

"Woah look at baby big head, hey that thing is freaky looking." Raven joked.

"I am a sacred vessel, all you have in your stomach is Taco Bell." I laughed. The technician proceeded to show us the feet, the body, and all the other parts.

"Would we like to know the sex?" She asked.

"Oh yeah!" Raven cheered.

"Sure why not?" Kane grinned.

"No!" I rejected. They all looked at me. Raven started begging me to change my mind.

"No the thing is, I want it to be a surprise for Costia and Lexa and if you tell me I'm just going to spoil it. So there will be no sex." I declared. The technician nodded.

"Are Costia and Lexa your friends at school?" She asked.

"Oh no, they're the adoptive parents." I explained.

"Well, that's good then. Thank goodness for that"  
"Excuse me?" Kane said. The woman looked passive.

"It's just, I've seen a lot of teen moms come through here and it's a very poisonous environment."

"How do you know that I'm so poisonous?" I demanded. This lady was serious?  
"How do you know they won't be child molestors?"

"Or stage parents?" Raven included.

"For all you know they could be utterly negligent and do a far worse job than my idiotic step-daughter would. Have you ever considered that?" Kane snapped. Raven and I looked at each other and opened our mouths.

"No...I hadn't"

"What's your job title here?"

"I'm an ultrasound technician sir."  
"Well I'm a business owner and I think we both ought to stick to what we know then."

"Excuse me?" She scoffed.

"What? You think because you get to play picture pages all day that you're so special? Her five year old sister could do that."

"And she's not the sharpest tool in the shed." I chimed in.

"So why don't you go back to night school in God knows where and learn a real trade." Marcus finished. Raven and I held our breath because we knew we'd burst into a massive fit of laughter if we didn't. The technician slowly rose from her stool and left the room. It was at that moment Raven and I stared at my stepdad.

"Kane...you're a dick!" Raven laughed.

"I love it!" I cried. We continued laughing even as we wiped down my sticky belly and headed to the car. The doctor had told us we'd never get the same technician ever again, thank goodness. He printed out a snapshot of the ultrasound where you could see the whole baby and gave it to me, it fit perfectly inside my wallet. Once we dropped Raven off we went home and I headed upstairs to lay down a bit. The events of today made my head hurt, God...why wasn't anything normal anymore? Why did everything have to be so difficult? I stared at my ceiling losing my mind thinking and poking my swollen belly as if to say "this is your fault tiny person growing inside me". At that moment I took out the picture from my wallet and stared at it, sitting up I got an idea. Kane was still downstairs reading some book on business strategy, I told him I was gonna borrow the car and headed to Costia's house.

It took two hours but I did it, after adjusting my seat three times because of the uncomfortable nature that is driving while pregnant. I waddled as quickly as I could to the door, fixing my haphazard ponytail right before I knocked. Lexa answered, she looked really pretty, her hair was in a loose bun, and she was wearing yoga pants and off the shoulder top.

"Clarke? Hi...what are you doing here?" She asked confused.

"I brought you and Costia something! Is she here?"

"Oh no she's running a few errands…" my shoulders slumped.

"Alright some other time."

"Um come in why don't you? She'll be back in a little bit." Lexa suggested, she opened the door a bit wider for me. I hesitated.

"I'm not going to bite you. Come on." She said rolling her eyes. Carefully I walked in and took another look at their grand house. Just as I remembered it, still gorgeous and perfect.

"Want some vitamin water or something?" She asked.

"What is it with rich people and herb infused juice?" I laughed. It got her to crack a small smile.

"They're not that bad." We headed to the kitchen and she pulled out a ginger juice and a berry blast flavor out of the fridge and handed me one. I took a sip, not too bad but it had that gross sugar free taste afterwards. Lexa sat across from me, her lips were tight as if she didn't know what to say.

"So...what do you guys do for a living?" I asked.

"Costia is an interior designer, I'm a musician and MMA trainer."

"Really? You?"

"Yeah, I teach some amazing fighters. But I get the real money from the music."

"Ah, what's your band called?" She gave me a funny look.

"I'm not in a band anymore. I do commercials, you know those Barbie commercials?" I nodded.

"Paid for this kitchen."

"Quite the sellout I see." I laughed, she joined me. I swirled the juice bottle around, this was awkward. I took another sip while we stood around the counter it was really quiet until Lexa cleared her throat.

"So you said you had something to show us?" She asked.

"I would prefer to wait until Costia is here. You know since it's her baby too." I mumbled. I definitely should not have come. This was just weird, yeah Costia was strange and uptight but I was too until I got over the pressure to be perfect. Perfect grades, perfect family, perfect little Clarke going to perfect little med school once she graduates from her semi perfect high school. God had Blake not befriended me, I don't think I would've had the courage to tell my mom I wanted to be an artist, not a doctor like her, that was the day we formed the band. Then again had we not become friends...I wouldn't be standing here pregnant. I touched a hand to my swollen belly and took a deep breath, Lexa was the mother too. She was this kids parent too.

"Actually, come on I'll show you the surprise." I smiled. Lexa grinned and headed to the den while I went to grab my book bag, being pregnant made it harder to maneuver around so I had to bend down awkwardly, holding my back with one hand, and squatting weirdly until my other hand snagged the strap that lay on the floor. Should've hung this damn thing up...anyways the ultrasound photo was in my wallet which Bellamy made for me out of purple duct tape and Velcro. Once I found the black and white image of our baby I waddled into the den and held it behind my back, Lexa sat on the cream colored couch picking at her nails.

"Behold! Your future child." I proclaimed holding out the photo to her. Her green eyes scanned it, no emotion filled them.

"Well what do you know? Look at that." She said. I figured she would've been happier to see this baby. I decided to hype her up a bit more.

"You know personally I think it looks like Bell."

"Who's that?" Lexa asked taking the photo and holding it closer.

"He's the dad." I grinned. She nodded slowly and put the picture down on the table. It was then that I noticed the CDs they had in their tv nook.

"No way! I love this band!" I cried picking up an Azgeda CD.

"I saw them a few months ago, they're still destroying the stage." She chuckled. I had no clue people still went to their concerts. Azgeda was a weird sounding metal band that mixed in old time tunes into their music to make it sound trippy.

"I wish I could see them live, Ontari is the sickest singer in this genre."

"Maybe you will one day. But to be honest Titus and the Flame is my number one." She said rummaging around the case.

"Who's that?" I asked, she stopped in her tracks.

"Seriously? What are they teaching you kids these days? Here borrow this, and I'll make you a better mix when I get the resources together." She said handing me a CD titled "FlaimKepa"

"Weird name...wait a second what the heck?" I stopped, I grabbed a movie off the top shelf and held it up.

"The Wizard of Gore?"

"It's got everything a C rated horror flick needs. Decapitation, Blood, guts, all that cool junk that'll haunt you for life." She smiled. Quickly, I turned in the TV and popped the disc into the DVD player and plopped onto the couch.

"Well let's watch it then." I demanded. Lexa laughed like a bell and then hit play, and for the next half hour we watched buckets on buckets of blood just oozing out everywhere. I'm almost positive it came out of the tv! She got us some snacks and such and we continued watching it in silence until she asked me a question.

"Bell is a girls name though. What's up with that?"

"Well his full name is Bellamy."

"What kind of a name is Bellamy?" She scoffed. I turned to her and gave her a stern look.

"His mom loves sci-fi so she named him after her favorite sci-fi author."

"Who is?"

"Edward Bellamy. So she named him Bellamy Edward Blake after him. I'm named after a sci-fi author too, a more famous one though. But if you ask me the thing he wrote was so pretentious.

"Why not Edward Bellamy? And who's the author you're named after?"

"Because Bellamy sounds cooler. Arthur C. Clarke. He wrote 2001: A Space Odyssey. He also wrote like over a hundred books and thought he had neat ideas for future technologies which he totally did. But it was one of the ways Bell and I bonded. My dad loved science fiction…" I trailed. Lexa nodded solemnly and we stayed quiet for a bit until the door opening broke the silence.

"Honey? I'm home!"

"Oh Costia is back we better um...get up. She doesn't like when I'm being unproductive" Lexa said rolling her eyes. I picked up the photo on the table and strolled into the kitchen.

"I'm good at defusing watch."

"Wait Clarke!" Lexa called. I ignored her and walked into the kitchen where Costia was dropping off a bunch of grocery bags, she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me.

"Clarke? What are you doing here sweetie? Is everything ok? Is the baby-"

"Baby's fine! In fact I just came to show you this." I said smiling. I handed her the photo and she took it, tears rushing to her love filled eyes.

"Look it's your baby. That's your baby." I whispered, touching her back.

"Looks like it's waving to you. Like 'hi Costia I'm so glad you're my mommy.' Don't you think?"

"Yeah it does." Costia cooed. I think her reaction to the baby was so much better than her wives was.

I decided then I should leave because I had a stop to make before going home and it was already super late in the day.

"Ok well I better leave now, that's all I wanted to show you. Baby's developing just fine, everything is the right size right weight. Oh my gosh it was so funny my step dad verbally assaulted the technician, we had to be escorted off premises." I joked. The two of them looked at me funny, well not funny but more like I was crazy. Costia smiled at me and then held the picture close to her heart.

"Well thank you for bringing this to us, I really appreciate it Clarke." Her smile was genuine. It was at that moment I decided I should probably head out because the drive was going to be long and I had a few stops to make before I got home. So I started for the foyer and leaned to the side to grab my book bag when I noticed all of the baby supplies like a baby bjorn, a swing, diapers, formula, toys, things the mother wasn't necessarily supposed to buy.

"Hey don't they give that to you at baby showers or something? I mean, when my little sister was born I was kind of jealous my mom was getting all of these presents and I wasn't but then I got over it because Bellamy helped me realize they were all kind of lame for a ten year old." I laughed at the memory. God I needed to visit him.

"Oh yes but we um...we aren't having a shower." Costia said sheepishly.

"Well why not?"

"People….they just don't know how to react to our situation you know?" Lexa explained.

"What situation?"  
"We had this issue in the past where," Lexa gestured to me and my swollen stomach, Costia's eyes were sparkling with tears.

"Oh. Oh no, no please don't tell me you think I'm going to change my mind. Trust me I would never do that." I panicked. Looking deep into the mother to be's eyes I tried to assure her, this was what was going to happen. She was going to take Blake and I's mistake baby and raise it to be loving and caring and amazing. Maybe Lexa could teach it to play guitar, and it could sip those funky flavored juices and enjoy helping Costia prep their gross health food. They'd play games and they would give the baby the best life they could give it. One without me in it.

"Thank you Clarke." Costia whispered, she picked up my book bag from the floor. Lexa helped me into my jacket, her cold hands brushed my neck, it sent a shiver down my spine. When I turned around to say goodbye and thank them, she smiled at me intently.

"Here you are sweetie." Costia said handing me my bag.

"You know, you should go to China to adopt too, they practically hand out children there because of the overpopulation crisis and one child only rule. Just a thought." I grinned, they both gave me those weird half smiles and with that I was out the door.

I stopped for a blue slushie before I got home, tasty raspberry blue goodness. I decided not to chug it as fast as I could in regards to last time. The brain freeze was so worth it but the vomit afterwards was not at all worth the struggle. But then again, could it have been morning sickness from Baby Blake? It was almost dark out when I got home, there was a bitter chill in the air, winter was going to hit us hard this year, I wonder if it would be harder to keep warm with little Blake inside my belly? Would my jackets still fit? I know the elastic band was coming, mom had already altered a few pairs of my jeans which really bugged me but I wasn't complaining. I unlocked the front door and began to head upstairs when someone clearing their throat at the desk interrupted me from my mission.

"Oh hey mom." I said from the bottom step, my slushie was numbing my hands.

"Hi honey, where were you?" She asked, it was rare for her to be at that desk. It was dads, but he kept all of her journals and needlepoint in it. She was working on some weird dog thing, it had long salt and pepper ears, and big eyes. Dogs creeped me out.

"Um I went to Costia and Lexa's to show them the ultrasound photo, Costia wasn't home so Lexa and I hung out for an hour or two. It was cool." I shrugged. My mom rolled her eyes.

"You drove all the way out there?"

"Um yeah?"

"Clarke you could have just mailed it to them, and you hung out with Lexa for how long?"

"A few hours it was no big deal, we watched a bad gore flick and talked is all, she's pretty cool." I stopped myself there because my moms eyes went dark. She could tell I had a mini girl crush.

"Clarke there are things about marriage you just don't get yet, things you couldn't possibly get especially now but the bond between a couple is sacred." She scolded.

"I know that." I rolled my eyes.

"I don't think you do."

"We don't even have a dog!" I shouted and pointed at her needle work. ALL of them were pups.

"Because you're allergic and hate them miss. We've sacrificed a lot for you don't you forget that."  
"What? Just because we can't get a dog?"

"No! Because you had to go screw up your life by getting pregnant."

"I'm giving it up!" Tears filled my eyes. I had known I screwed up and reminded myself every single day. Every time I felt the baby move I was reminded. Every time I looked in a mirror. Every second of every goddamn day.

"And that's amazing. But Marcus and I still want you to more with your life. What if this happens again? We want to see you live a successful life, go to college. What if-"

"What if what? I don't go to med school like you want? Newsflash I don't want to! You want me to! I want to go to art school and paint and sculpt and play music. I want to live my life the way I want, not the way you want. I don't...I don't understand why dad and Marcus could see it but you can't. You never could." I could tell my words had hurt her. I hadn't wanted to tell her this way but, I had to do it eventually. I just hadn't imagined it would hurt this badly. I could feel bile rise into my throat, and my heart was pounding so hard I think she could hear it. Her eyes were glossy, like they always were before she cried.

"Clarke...I-" She started.

"Save it." I snapped. I turned on my heel and headed for the door, but before that I opened her urn and dumped the contents of my blue slushie inside.

I was seething the entire time I drove to Bellamy's house, but I tried to focus my attention on the road as best I could. She had a point though...this could happen again. No. No it wouldn't because I won't let it happen again. I won't get pregnant until I'm ready to have children. Turning onto the familiar Factory street, I let out a sigh of relief. Bellamy's grey house came into view, I noticed a green Honda parked out front, that's right, Octavia was home from boarding school. Magnificent. I sighed again and placed my head on the steering wheel for a second. Frustrated with myself for arguing with my mom. Frustrated because of this situation. Frustrated because the man upstairs, my best friend in the whole world, might be outgrowing me. His popularity was thrust on him overnight somehow, maybe it had been a long time coming for him. But I was too preoccupied in my own crap to notice. I had my reasons though. Our band was struggling with our school schedules, he always had track practice, and the only time we managed to hang out was the night I got pregnant. Since then, I don't know, maybe I was just being a horrible friend.

"Here goes nothing." I mumbled to myself, I turned the van off and opened my door. The cold air slapped me across the face, it hurt to breathe, but I persisted to the blue front door. So many memories, I smiled as I knocked, hopefully I wasn't interrupting anything. I hear a familiar voice shouting from inside, the thudding of their footsteps got louder as they approached the door. It opened so fast it startled me, I grabbed my belly in response.

"Oh my god! Clarke!" Octavia cried, throwing her arms around me. I laughed while she crushed my neck with her bear hug, but I still hugged her back just as tightly. Her long, dark mass of hair swarmed my face, I sputtered as some of her hair got into my mouth, it smelled like pine needles.

"It's been so long how are you-" she pulled back and took notice.

"Surprise?" I shrugged. Her blue eyes darkened.

"Who's is it? When did this happen? Clarke what the hell?" She demanded. She crossed her arms over her chest, frowning at me as I tried to figure out how to tell her that this was her niece or nephew growing inside me.

"O, let her come inside, it's freezing out there." Aurora said from behind. She knew of my situation but not who the father was. I made sure my parents wouldn't spill to Aurora, but I knew word would get back that Abby Griffin's daughter was pregnant.

"Hi Aurora." I smiled. She nodded and headed back to the kitchen where she was doing the dishes. I turned and looked awkwardly at Octavia for a minute and then looked at the stairs before bolting up them, she ran up trying to catch me, we were neck and neck before I reached Bellamy's door, I ran in and slammed it shut, locking it for good measure. I rested on the door panting, too much excess energy I didn't have was used up.

"Hello to you too." He said glancing up from the book he was reading. He was wearing his reading glasses which made him look way more innocent than usual.

"Hey man, how are you doing?" I smiled.

"Why are you here?"

"You know I just um. I just wanted to say hey and hang out. I miss hanging out on school nights." I said maneuvering down on one of his bean bag chairs. I stretched out savoring the feeling of total relief, my back aches all of the time, even when I'm sitting down.

"So...you seem to be getting, I don't know, pregnant-er these days?" He said. I stared at him as if he were dumb.

"Um yeah I am. But don't worry I told my parents not to narc you out or anything." He grinned at me, it made my heart skip a beat.

"Well thank you. So what um, what are you doing with it?" He asked nervously.

"Oh yeah! This couple a few hours away are going to adopt it. They seem really nice." I shrugged. Why am I acting like this isn't a big deal! It's a huge deal. It's his kid too.

"Oh wow. What are they like?"

"Well Lexa is wife number one, and she's just awesome. She likes old gore films, and she plays the guitar. We actually hung out this afternoon, it was cool." I responded. I tucked a loose curl behind my ear and began picking at my cuticles. I should've talked to him about this sooner. Or at least asked what he wanted to do. What if he wanted to keep it?

"Is that normal?"

"No but let's be real, nothing about this is normal." I finished. He smiled again and looked down at his book, something was on his mind but I couldn't read him. It made my throat close up when I realized that, I can't read my best friend anymore. We were growing apart and I wasn't imagining it.

"So I'm going to look like a whale soon. Will you still think I'm adorable?" I judged his hand with mine and rested it close by. Almost touching.

"I always think you're adorable Clarke. I think you're beautiful." He responded looking me in the eye. I blushed.

"Aww, thanks Bell." I said sarcastically but secretly loving it. His hand inched towards mine, barely touching at that point, but I could feel the heat of his fingers on mine. He glanced down for a split second then back up at me.

"So princess, I'm thinking when this is all over, would could get the band back together or something." The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. Had he listened to me about the plans for adoption? Me looking like a whale because of this giant baby growing inside me? Did he care?

"Oh yeah! We could, once Jasper gets his new drum head we'd be set...I mean as long as his organic chemistry class doesn't get in the way." My hand creeped closer, hands just barely grazing each other. My heart was pounding harder than usual.

"You know...we could get back together too." He mumbled. That took me off guard. We had only ever been friends at least to my knowledge.

"Were we ever together?" I asked suddenly, bringing my hand back to my belly, I rested both on top to appear casual. On the inside I was freaking out.

"Yeah, you know at one time we were. I thought." He said. Bellamy looked confused and hurt, I helped and realized I'd put my foot in my mouth. But how do I get out of this? I was never his girlfriend, he'd never asked me to be his girlfriend, I mean we slept together one time. Granted now I had his baby, but it was only once. I didn't even know if it had meant anything to him, at least not as much as it had meant to me. But I had seen him flirting with other girls, girls who could give him what he wanted, any other girl could make him happier than I could. All I could do was frustrate and annoy him, this pregnancy was hanging over his head just as much as mine but somehow, he came across as if it were nothing. Especially now.

"What about Echo Spears? You could totally go out with Echo Spears!" I said quickly.

"I don't want to go out with Echo, she's mean, and smells like soup." He argued.

"She does not."

"Yes she does and her whole house does too." He snapped. I shut my mouth and stared at my hands, he turned his eyes back to his book, I noticed it was about the Holy Roman Empire. I took that as my cue to leave him alone. So after struggling to get back up, I headed out the door without saying goodbye.

A few days later, I still couldn't get my mind off of Bellamy and I's conversation. Raven thought it'd be fun to distract me by going to the mall and having a girls day out, it was also good to walk around for the little one. First stop was the food court where my stomach wasn't agreeing with me at first, Raven got a giant cinnamon pretzel with icing drizzled on top . We started our first loop around, taking in the business that came to the mall with the holidays, she wanted to get Mr. Collins a gift for Christmas for some reason. But we didn't buy anything yet, just looked around. She wasn't eating her snack just get

"Yumm! This pretzel tastes like a donut!" She moaned, shoving another bite in her mouth. Baby decided it wanted a taste.

"Give me a bite?" I asked with puppy dog eyes. Raven laughed and pushed more into her mouth, so I reached for it. We were both laughing our asses off, she wrapped an arm around my neck and circled me around.

"She's assaulting me! Help!" I laughed so hard I snorted. She let me go soon after and handed me a piece, I took a bite, savoring the sweetness.

"God that's good." I said. Raven smiled and we walked to the rails that overlooked the kids play park below. I heard a familiar laugh and immediately glanced down.

"Oh my gosh that's Costia! Costia Groundling from the adoption!" I said.

"Like pennysaver Costia?" Raven asked. I crouched down, then grabbed her turquoise sweater to pull her with me.

"Yeah that's her!" I smiled. She was with friends and their children obviously, the youngest girl decided to go through the tunnel so Costia leaned upside down to take a peek as if to say 'boo!'

"She's totally going to steal one of those kids." Raven said, taking a bite of the pretzel. I could see her smile was genuine, she honestly loved children and it was so clear to me then that she would be a better mom than I could ever be. She was going to love this baby, and make sure it knew every single day just how blessed she was to have it. It brought a tear to my eye watching her interact with those kids.

"Boring." Raven said finally. We stood up and walked to the elevator to go to some dress shirt shop for the Collins gift when a sudden craving hit me.

"I could go for a monster sized cookie with like a lamb kebab simultaneously." I groaned, rubbing my belly.

"Sheesh must you always feed?" She laughed, grabbing my arm as we weaves through the mass of people. But fate is funny, because Costia chose that moment to run into us.

"Oh Clarke! Hi!" She smiled brightly at me.

"Hi Costia, wow crazy coincidence. What brings you here?" I replied smiling. This woman was going to be the mother to my child.

"Oh nothing just shopping with my girlfriends." She said motioning to the ladies she was with.

"Nice." Raven mumbled rolling her eyes.

"Ignore her." I said. Costia shifted from foot to foot.

"So how are you feeling?" She asked finally.

"I'm great thanks! Oh hey, coming in on that snooze button." I said poking my stomach. Baby was doing backflips and somersaults, as if it were trying to show off for Costia. Say what you will but I can get really uncomfortable, I felt the little butterflies and groaned, knowing I'd probably have heartburn or acid reflux later.

"What's wrong?" She asked worriedly. Raven had turned around to look at the crowds again and finish her donut pretzel.

"Kicking, just kicking." I mumbled. She put a hand to her mouth and took a deep breath.

"Could I feel it?" She asked timidly. Why was she asking me? No one had ever asked me to touch my stomach they just did it then oohed and ahhed over how amazing it was to have such a miracle. Miracle my ass, everyone judged me for this. But I wasn't about to ruin it for the mom to be.

"Of course you can!" I laughed, I grabbed her hands and placed them on my belly, she kneeled. Then the baby stopped kicking me. I rolled my eyes covertly so Costia wouldn't notice, but we waited for a minute.

"It...it won't kick for me." She whispered. I could tell she was disappointed so I tried to remember what the baby book my mom gave me said.

"Try talking to it." Costia glanced up at me.

"Talking?" She asked.

"Yeah it may be ten thousand leagues under the sea but supposedly they can hear you. Just try." I said smiling down at her hopeful face. So she did.

"Hi baby, my sweet angel...I can't wait to meet you." She started. The tears were already welling up in my eyes as she spoke to my stomach.

"I can't wait to meet you." She whispered. Nothing was happening until she sighed, then baby started moving again. Her happiness radiated off of her, and she gasped, I could feel it kicking, but held back any complaints I had as I watched her.

"It moved." She said sniffling. Costia got in close to the spot where it had moved and whispered countless thank yous to it. A tear slipped down my cheek as I basked in her joy.


	3. Spring

The snow was finally melting away, thank the lord. But that just meant there was ice and slush everywhere which made it difficult for me and my giant, almost full term stomach. I finally had to have all of my jeans altered to have that ugly elastic band in them, which was part of my Christmas present. Along with some books about art, pencils, paint, canvases, sketchbooks, and pamphlets for various art schools. All from my mom. I cried when she gave them to me and hugged her, we hadn't talked much since our argument but after Christmas, we were inseparable. Glass got ice skating equipment so I took her to practice and watched her free skate, she was getting really good. I sketched a lot and read tons of books over winter break, but I found myself calling Lexa more and more. We had them come to a doctors appointment and she gave me this CD she made with all sorts of weird music on it. But when the ultrasound tech dumped the goo and started rolling around, Lexa was on her phone, Costia was staring at the screen in awe. It just made me feel weird seeing one of them so dedicated already and one so uninterested. I boiled it down to nerves and work for Lexa, but Costia was so excited she told me she was decorating the baby's room. She'd shown me some pictures of it, it was this really nice yellow, and the furniture was white, crib was on one side with a blank wall while the changing table wall had various animals dancing around on it. It was perfect. But perfection can only last so long. My back felt like it was breaking, none of my clothes fit at all, and I was waddling instead of walking. Every task felt too challenging, even sitting down or driving. I couldn't ride my bike to school anymore I had to get dropped off at the front. It annoyed me to no end. I felt childish whenever it happened, but the worst part about this part was the stares. All of them judging me, and everyone had a stupid comment to make now that I was huge. Cautionary whale, Penguin, Boulder, Tubs. It was endless, and to make it worse, I hadn't spoken to Bellamy since that night. Even when one of his friends made fun of me, or snickered when I walked past. Like I was right now, with my head up but my gaze focused at the end of the hall.

"Did you hear it's your kid?" Someone whispered to Bellamy.

"Yeah I did." He replied, I could feel his eyes on me, so I stole a look. The baby began kicking with all of it's force, making me stop and take a deep breath, my hand drifted to my stomach to rub it and make little one stop. His dark eyes glared at me, his face was unreadable, I couldn't tell if he was mad or sad or indifferent. I dropped my gaze to my shoes quickly and waddled over to the payphones at the end of the hall. Only one person seemed to get my frustrations lately even though they weren't always 100% there. They just got me somehow. So I dialed the number on my mind.

"Groundling residence." Lexa answered. I smiled and sighed with relief.

"Hey so I listened to that weird CD you gave me, it was pretty good."

"Pretty good? I carefully organized and compiled the best music from the 1960's-90's and burned it to that little disc." She scoffed.

"Ok it was amazing. What are you up to?" I asked. I just needed a distraction, but all I could think about was the look Bellamy gave me, the baby kicked me again.

"Working on a jingle for some juice company. Totally boring over here. How's school?"

"It's um...it's fine I guess. Your future child keeps kicking and it's distracting me from my work but other than that it's fine." I replied.  
"Why don't you stop by today? I have a surprise for you." Lexa said, I could tell she was smiling on her side.

"Ok, sounds good." I smiled. We hung up after that and I headed to chemistry, I sat at the back and avoided teaming up with Bellamy during lab.

Lunch came soon enough, Raven met me outside of the cafeteria and they went to grab trays. Raven got a ham and cheese with some juice and chips, while I being the piggy now, got lime jello, pizza, fries, a burger, a large drink, chips, a pretzel, and a pickle. I never really understood why pregnant women always ate pickles, now I did. The baby craves them 24/7.

"How long has it been now? You look about ready to pop." The lunch lady asked.

"It's been 17 years now thanks for asking." I said. We found our favorite spot in the hall and got situated, Raven picking at her food while I dug in. Something was on Raven's mind, something she wasn't telling me.

"So how is Mr. Collins?" I asked taking a sip of my coke. She sighed.

"He's married. Guess I should've known." She shrugged. I reached over and held her hand.

"I'm sorry Raven. But he was also a teacher, what'd you hope for?" I asked. She looked up at me and gave me a lopsided smile.

"I don't know maybe I should just go for guys my age. Ones that won't get arrested for being with their student if anything happened." She laughed. I laughed too until hers slowed down and eventually stopped.

"That's not it is it?" I asked suspiciously. She shook her head.

"No...Monty told me Blake is going to prom with Echo Spears." She mumbled. I scoffed. He told me he wasn't even interested in her! That she smelled like soup and was mean. I had only suggested her because the moment between us was so awkward, I never...I never thought he'd actually go for it. Unless he was doing it to piss me off. Until I talked to him, I couldn't believe it.

"Monty told me during third. Apparently he's going with a few guys from track goo, they're all going to grab dinner at the DropShip, and then prom, and then they're staying at Murphy's parents cabin." She shrugged. I could tell that it hurt her to tell me this, so I nodded and thanked her before getting up.

"I can't believe it. He told me he didn't even like her, that she smelled like soup."

"Oh my god she does! I went to her birthday party in fourth grade, the whole place reeks of Campbell's can of desperation." Raven joked, trying to make me feel better. It wasn't working. I could feel the jello chunks rise in my throat, tears started to form in my eyes but I shoved them down. The bell rang, making her jump.

"I gotta go." I said. Raven gave me a sad smile as if to apologize.

"I'll call you later." She said. I nodded and headed off to art class. My mind was still reeling from what she said even halfway through figures. Echo was in this class so I stole a peek at her. Sure she had a nice bone structure and pretty hair...maybe her eyes were a gorgeous amber color and she was captain of the martial arts club and she was awesome in debate...but she was...she had...oh hell. I had nothing on her. Echo suddenly looked up and caught me staring at her, she flash a look of disgust at me before turning her head back to her work. Her stink eye was like a knife in my chest. We had to present our figure drawings to the class and that's when I saw a crack in her armor. She couldn't even draw a stick figure.

He was at his locker. He was at his locker! I tried to gather the courage to bite his head off, but I decided not to. Well until Echo brushed past me and knocked her shoulder into mine. Bitch. I waddled as determined as I could right over to my former best friend turned traitor.

"Are you truly and honestly going to prom with Echo Spears?" I demanded. He was still looking in his locker not even acknowledging me.

"Well?"

"Oh hi Clarke I didn't see you there." He mumbled.

"Answer me Bellamy!" I snapped.

"Yes. I'm going with her and a few guys from track. We're grabbing dinner and then going to Murphy's parents cabin. Are you satisfied?" He replied, whipping his head towards me. He was angry and it was obvious he was doing this to get back at me.

"No actually I'm not. What the hell?"

"You're mad why are you mad?" He rolled his eyes.

"I'm not mad. I'm in a great mood are you kidding?" I snapped, my voice kept getting louder and louder. This wasn't going to be pretty.

"Despite the fact that I'm in a fat suit I can't take off, and despite the fact that almost everyone is talking behind my back, and despite the fact that your little girlfriend gave me the stink eye during art class-"

"She's not my girlfriend. And I doubt she gave you the stink eye, you're just being irrational right now." He retorted.

"Well whatever I'm sure you and soupy sales will have a real bitching time at prom because you know what? I can think of a bunch of cooler things than going to prom with you. I might just...I might pumice my feet, or go with Marcus to the nail salon to check up on their wax supply, or get hit with a truck full of hot garbage juice. Because all of those things would be exponentially cooler than going to the prom with you." I shouted. Bellamy looked as if I had slapped him, and honestly it felt as if I had. My stomach tightened once I had realized how childish I was being but I felt as if I had no choice. He had been ignoring me and talking about me behind my back. He had to be. Everyone was.

"You're being really immature right now. And I don't know why I'm still talking to you. I'm the one who should be mad at you." He yelled, slamming his locker shut.

"Why? Because I had sex with you and didn't want to marry you?"

"No because you left me Clarke! We had sex and then you just disappeared! Did you ever consider that maybe you hurt me? And do you have any idea what people say about me and you? About what's happening?" A tear slipped down his cheek, I felt numb though. Why did I do this? Why do I stuff it up all of the time?

"Are you ashamed of what we did? Of me? Because at least the evidence isn't under your sweater. I'm a planet." I cried. My eyes burned as I struggled to hold all of my tears back, my throat ached because I wasn't breathing nearly enough. Bellamy's face softened, he knew I didn't, or rather refused to, cry. He could tell when I was about to break, claimed my nostrils flared and my eyes turned red, my cheeks would appear as if I was blushing. I reached down and picked up my bag.

"Let me help you with that." He said, reaching for the bag.

"What's another ten pounds?" I growled. I adjusted my bag and walked away from him. I left him again. This time it was consciously leaving, and it hurt like hell.

The drive seemed to go by super fast, probably because I was still angry with Bellamy, but I was also excited about whatever surprise Lexa had for me. When I pulled up to her home I quickly applied some lip balm and got out, Lexa was waiting with the door open as I headed up the driveway.

"Welcome. Welcome." She called, smiling.

"Is Costia here?" I asked, Lexa shook her head.

"No she has some meetings today until 5."

"Oh, ok." I mumbled. Lexa took my hand and guided me down the hall to an open door that revealed stairs going down.

"You're not shoving me down these are you?" I joked.

"Nope, your surprise is down here." She laughed. I took my time with the stairs because my balance was off with this baby. Once she reached the bottom, she took in the surroundings. The light was dim and there were haphazard boxes packed with cool things like CDs, comic books, and other unnecessary things any family would stuff in their garage or storage. There was a CD player on a table near a black leather couch.

"Is this the baby's room? I love it!" Clarke laughed. Lexa thrust a small book at her, it was covered in plastic.

"I found this in my comic books last night. I thought of you." She smiled. I took it and read the cover.

"The Most Fruitful Anya? Is this a pregnant superhero!?" I asked. This was one of the most amazing things I had ever seen, it actually almost made me forget my fight with Bellamy. But thinking about it made my heart constrict, I still felt so bad about it. I don't know if I could even make it up to him.

"Yeah it is, Anya is a total badass. I got that in Japan when I toured a bit with my band back in the day." Lexa sat down on the black couch and rested her feet.

"This makes me feel like less of a fat dork." I laughed.

"You aren't a dork." Lexa rolled her eyes. I glanced at the CDs and popped one into the player. The first song on it was slow and sweet, something I needed to calm myself down further. Maybe even forget today.

"This song is older than I am." Lexa announce, I turned and looked at her.

"Oh please." I scoffed. She laughed and stood up.

"Oh yeah, I danced to this at my senior prom." She said.

"Really now? Who'd you dance with?"

"Nia Kween. She was an awesome dance partner." She recalled. I noticed her glance at me in a way I had wished Bellamy did, but for some reason I blushed when she did. It was different with Lexa for some reason, I didn't have to talk about the things going on in my life, she just appreciated the company, she would just hang out and listen to music, sometimes she'd vent about Costia, how she felt she was being held back. I just thought it was weird of her to complain because they seemed like they were in love.

"Have you ever been to a dance Clarke?" she asked suddenly.

"Dances aren't really my style anymore." I responded shrugging. Lexa walked over to her and took her hand.

"Here's how we did it back in my day." Lexa giggled. She grabbed my hands and placed it around her neck, then rested her hands on my hips and pulled me as close as the belly would allow. Then we started to sway back and forth while the music played softly in the background.

"Very lame as you can see." She smiled. I looked up at her and grinned like a fool. This didn't feel right though, that conversation about relationships I'd had...argued...with my mom about came flooding back into my mind but for some reason I didn't stop.

"Dances are for nerds and squares." I mumbled, resting my head on her shoulder. She brought a hand up to my head and held me closer. It was peaceful for a while.

"I'm leaving Costia." She whispered. I snapped my head back.

"What!?" I shouted. Lexa looked confused.

"It's been brewing for awhile Clarke, I can't pretend anymore. I've been planning this." She said. She acted like this didn't matter, like her decision wouldn't affect me or the baby. I jumped away from her as if she had burned me. Which in a sense she had.

"But you're supposed to take care of this."

"I thought you'd be cool with this?" Lexa asked. She gave me a look that I didn't like too much. One that had a promise of something more that I had never asked for.

"But...you guys were...this was supposed to be perfect. You guys were supposed to be solid and not broken and shitty like everyone else's family." I yelled. Lexa rolled her eyes and sighed as if I was stupid or naive.

"Look I'll have the baby and you guys will be so happy. This thing will make it all better." I tried. I could feel my heart rate go up, the baby was moving around which made me feel nauseous. Or was that just the situations fault.

"A baby won't fix this Clarke. I was never even sure I wanted to be a mother in the first place." She retorted.

"But you're old!" Lexa looked hurt by that statement.

"Is that how you think of me? Then why are you over here?" She demanded. I honestly didn't know how to respond. Of course she knew I had a slight crush but the reality is I was just happy to be a piece of furniture in their weird home for a while.

"Because I wanted to make sure you two were going to love my baby. Clearly you won't." I snarled.

"This is what my life has become Clarke. My stuff is in boxes, I have a room for my things and a basement. This isn't living this is..." She trailed off and began to stare into space, she sat down on the couch again and folded her hands in her lap.

"Don't divorce Costia please. I will do anything just please do that for me. Stay with her." I begged. She just shook her head slowly. I scoffed at her and stormed up the stairs, Costia was on her way in with groceries and more baby supplies. I couldn't bear to look at her in fear that I would start crying, and not even a little bit, like a good hard ugly cry that only one person could fix. He was the only person who could possibly fix any of this and I screwed it up. I just had to be with him, but why did I ignore him? Why was I so scared to be in a relationship with Bellamy? This was all my fault. All my fault.  
"Clarke sweetie what's wrong?" Costia asked, she rushed over to me and put an arm around me.

"Nothing I'm fine." I choked out. A tear slipped down my face giving me away.

"No you're not you're crying." She said. Lexa came bounding up the stairs and noticed us. She looked like she had just swallowed something bitter.

"What did you do?" Costia demanded. Lexa shrugged.

"Hormones probably? Just apart of the process right Clarke?" She looked at me as if I was going to help her out of this. I gave her a look of disgust as another tear escaped.

"Why don't you tell her what you just told me." I yelled. I clutched onto Costia as if she were my mother, she rubbed her hand up and down my back to calm me.

"Tell me what?" She demanded. Costia shook but she didn't back down, her back was straight and her determination was palpable.

"This just...it all happened so fast and I don't think that this life is for me anymore. I don't love you anymore Costia. I put the ad in the penny saver and she called a week later." Lexa stood there looking so spaced out and confused, but she was ugly now. Caught in her lies, in her betrayal to both me and Costia.

"She answered our prayers." Costia responded softly. She let me go and approached Lexa with a steely look in her eyes, she'd always been so warm and comforting to be around. Like her mother had been to her when she was a little girl, but even without a child in her home or in her arms Costia still radiated that pure, unfiltered, unconditional love.

"I'm just not sure if we're prepared for this." Lexa mumbled.

"Of course we are we've read the books, taken classes, the nursery is finished and is waiting for our child."

"I'm not ready." I bolted as soon as she said that and headed towards the door, my bag was on the ground so I reached for it, Costia rushed after me trying to say that it was normal to get cold feet and that Lexa would change her mind once she held their baby.  
"This has been a ticking clock. And you know it." Lexa said. She sounded like a robot. Cold and unfeeling. It almost broke my heart for Costia who didn't deserve any of this. Once my tears started they wouldn't stop, it was like there was a faucet just pouring them out. All of my feelings had been bottled up for eight months. I stared at my shoes while Costia ripped into Lexa.

"You're such a child, wanting to run off and form a band when you have a responsibility. That's what you do you selfish...you just run off when things are too tough for you. But guess what? This is happening." Costia yelled. But Lexa wasn't listening, her eyes were glazed over. The air was sticky with disappointment and resentment, like after all this time...everything they'd done was over. I took that moment of silence between them to run out of the door and to the safety of the van, Costia ran out behind me calling for me while Lexa stayed planted in the foyer. I shoved the keys into the car and drove off as fast as possible. I couldn't hold it in for much longer the months of regret, guilt, all of the arguments and emotional upheavals. I thought of Bellamy and my dad and my relationship with my mom, how horrible I had been to her. How much I missed my father and how angry I was at my mom for moving on so quickly when really she deserved to be happy. I was sobbing at that point and had to pull over on the side of the road. There wasn't any stopping me now, I let it all out, I cried and cried, my face was soaking wet. I wanted to scream but I just sat there holding my stomach as if to protect the baby inside from the horrors of the world. My gut felt like it was wrenched open and spilled onto the ground, my heart was shattered. And it was all my fault. There had to be a way to fix it...there just had to. I pulled myself together as best I could and drove halfway home, stopping for a snack and a small slushee. I sipped it on the hood of the van and stared at the sky, summer was on its way, but winter was having a hard one letting go. Just like me. Costia must've thought this roadblock changed my mind. I had to let her know it didn't. But I didn't know how. I didn't know what was going to happen if I didn't. The best thing I could do was leave her a note. Lucky for me there was a bill page my step dad had left in the backseat, I grabbed a sharpie from my bag and wrote the words I knew she needed. So I scribbled them down and sped over to their home again. I ran up to their door as fast as possible and taped it to their door.

"I'm still in if you are."

The words echoed in my head, I knew she'd be devastated if I had changed my mind. But I hadn't and I was still willing to give this baby to her. If anyone on this Earth deserved a child it was her. She needed this baby just as much as I needed her to take it. It wasn't fair to either of us if Lexa ruined this. I rang her doorbell and ran back to the van as fast as possible. They were probably discussing the argument from earlier, maybe even discussing their impending divorce. I had hope that they would work everything out but the odds were not in my favor. I hopped into the van and started it, before I could zoom off the door to the house opened, Lexa picked up the note first and looked confused, Costia snatched it out of her hands and read it, when she looked up I gassed it and sped home. The familiar streetlight in front of my home came into view, I slowed down and parked carefully, I climbed out and took note that the sprinklers had just turned off. The ground was wet, and the purple bellflower plant had bloomed miraculously. It never blossomed after dad passed away. It was one of his favorite flowers, Bellamy liked them too. Said it was because of the Bell in the name. I took a deep sniff of it and relished the scent, sweet, and simple, I drifted it across my belly, allowing baby to have a smell too. It felt nice. Moms car was parked in the driveway, so there was something positive, I needed a talk and hug from her. She would know what to do. Well I mean with Bellamy, she'd know what advice to give me. So I opened the door and headed to the kitchen, where I knew she'd be having a cup of tea and re-reading Grey's Anatomy like it was the latest gossip column in a magazine. I waddled into the kitchen and just like I predicted, there she was.

"Hey sweetie." She said, he nose was buried in her book.

"Hey mom." I mumbled, opening the fridge not really to find anything to eat but to just get the confidence to ask her what I should do. It took me a second before I shut the fridge and looked at her.

"What happened?" She asked, her book was closed on the table. It was obvious she'd been staring at me for a while.

"Just dealing with things way above my level of maturity and age. Where's Marcus and Glass?" I mumbled. I sat down at the table and put my head in my hands and let the tears fall again.

"He took her to ice skating me what's wrong sweetheart." She said, she reached over the table to take my hands, she pushed my chin up to look at her. When she saw my face, hers fell as she realized the extent of my issues. Like she could see everything I had just gone through.

"It's just so hard mom. I tried so hard to be normal with this baby. I tried so hard but I ruined everything." I cried.

"I'm sure you didn't, but I can't help you unless I know exactly what's wrong." She said, she got up and moved closer to me, taking me in her arms.

"Lexa and Costia are separating. I destroyed my relationship with Bellamy, and I can't...I can't even tell him what's happening. I don't even know him anymore everything's changed since it happened. Nothing's the same."

"Honey that happens when this kind of thing happens."

"Mom I said some horrible things to him, he's never going to forgive me. And all I want to do is just tell him everything all of the time. I miss him. I miss being near him and hanging out. I miss playing guitar with him and then pigging out on the tub of ice cream we always keep. I miss everything about him." I sobbed. She rocked me and hummed the lullaby my dad sang to me whenever I had a bad dream, I hadn't even realized she knew it since it was his and I's secret. But of course he told her, they told each other everything. They were the definition of true love, I hadn't ever seen them argue.

"Clarke, you need to tell him just that. Let him know how you feel. Tell him everything that's been happening."

"What if he won't listen?"

"He will listen because he misses you too Clarke. He loves you too." She said. He loves me? Since when did he love me?

"How do you think people stay together? With everything bad that happened to you, how can you be so full of hope? And love for Marcus I mean… how do you stay happy with another person? I feel like I'm just losing faith with everything."

"Oh Clarke. It's never easy, I've obviously made mistakes in life, some that should've cost me and your father's relationship but we stuck it out until the end. Even if it was too soon. I still love him very much and I'm proud to say he's your dad and my late husband. But I've been with Marcus now for almost eleven years and we're both extremely happy together." I nodded at what she was saying. It made sense, of course I had never witnessed my mother do anything to jeopardize her marriage with my father but maybe that was because they were good at hiding it. Or rather working it out. Maybe there still was hope for me. For Bellamy.

"The best thing you can do is find someone who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, pregnant. Or whatever the case, the right person will still think the world of you. To them the sun shines out of your ass and that is the kind of person worth sticking with." She finished

"Thanks mom." I sniffled. She smiled at me and gave me a much needed hug. I held onto her for a while until I figured out a game plan. What could I could do to make up for what I had said, and for avoiding him. Then it hit me. I had to call Raven immediately and get her ass over to my place as quickly as she could. So I broke free of my mom and began to run to my room to call. Before I reached the stairs I turned and looked at her. She sat there and looked at me as if she were proud for once. Proud of me even though I had royally screwed up my life and almost screwed up everyone else's.

"Give him hell sweetheart. But no dating in your condition. Wait until after the baby is born." She winked. I laughed and ran up the stairs, wondering if all of this movement would induce labor. But I had to push that thought away and get Raven here now. I flopped onto my bed and grabbed the hamburger phone and dialed her number fast.

"Pick up. Pick up. Pick UP!" I yelled impatiently.

"Helloooo." Raven said.

"Get here fast." I demanded.

"What if I'm busy right now?" She said. Raven was distracted and that was highly unusual. She was always working on some sort of project or writing for her blog, she was always in motion.

"Raven this is important. I wouldn't have called if it wasn't just get over here as fast as possible." I tried to sound more desperate than I was, even though I knew she'd book it even if this matter wasn't of the utmost importance. I needed to execute my apology plan.

"Fine. Zeke? I gotta go, we'll hang out later." I hear her mumble. Zeke? Who was Zeke? Why didn't she tell me about this mysterious person.

"Raven who's Zeke?" I asked.

"I'll tell you about it when I get to yours don't worry." I could tell she was rolling her eyes. I grinned because I knew exactly what was going on. She was hanging out with a guy which was a good sign, she was getting over her weird school girl crush on Mr. Collins and moving towards people her age. Oh this was amazing news! Finally I didn't need to hear her pine over a married teacher who would likely be fired if he was caught with a student and possibly arrested. The plan was foolproof, he'd know exactly who had done it and he'd come and try to talk to me. Unless he didn't because he hated my guts.

"I'm leaving now." She said. Her line went dead, I clicked mine off and paced, again I prayed that all of this movement would not induce my eight month baby into labor. Though these days I wondered...when would that day be? My due date was in a few weeks and with each day the thought grew fainter and fainter in my head. I hadn't even mentioned that day to Bellamy. It was his kid too but it also...it wasn't either one of ours. Whatever, I just need to focus on what I'm about to do to apologize, and hopefully there were nurseries open all over town. A honk sounded outside, Raven was was here! I ran down the stairs, careful to not trip, and bounded out the door.

"Get me to all of the places that sell flowers." I said breathlessly. Raven started laughing as hard as she could, it was infectious so i joined in. It almost took me out of my own head.

Moment of truth, Raven had hyped me up for this, I knew what to say, I knew what to do. We had executed the plan flawlessly. We could be professional prankers if we wanted. But that's not important, what's important is talking to Bellamy. He was at track practice right now, in winter the shorts had been exchanged for track pants but now...the damn shorts were back and it made me grossed out yet again. Raven was off to the side, helping one of her friends, Harper, coach a cheer routine so she could spy on me. I took a few deep breaths before heading over to the stinky, red, polyurethane track where he was running with a few of his buddies. They all began whispering as I approached the field, then booked it when I made it to the track. Bellamy almost ran by me, I saw the hesitation, but he stopped.

"Hi." He said, it was like the old Bellamy was standing in front of me yet again. My awkward, wonderful, nerdy Bellamy who loved guitar, and running, and had an unusual obsession with mythology and ancient Rome. My best friend.

"Hey." I replied. He shifted from foot to foot, not knowing what to say.

"So...did you like, fill up my mailbox and yard with those bellflowers?" He asked, he gave me a sly grin knowing his answer. I nodded.

"I just wanted you to have a reminder of everything we've been through. Good and bad." I mumbled.

"Hey well my moms pretty jazzed, she's going to grow a bellflower bush or two in the backyard...and front yard. And she has floral arrangements for the house now so…" He trailed. I decided to just let it out.

"Look, Bellamy, I'm really sorry for what I said. I was out of line and I was just being...a huge bitch and you don't deserve that. I'm so sorry." I said.

"It's ok Clarke. You don't have to apologize, it was my fault too. I should've known that this was going to be worse for you than it was for me and I left you alone. I let you do this alone instead of stepping up like I should have." He said. He pulled me in for a hug, one of the ones we used to do when the other was sad. A nice tight bear hug, but it was all kinds of awkward with this baby between us. Our baby. We stayed like that for awhile, just swaying with each other, taking one another in. He had gotten broader, more muscular, but he was still the same nerd I knew and loved. When we pulled away I stared into his eyes a bit.

"Also there's one more thing." I said. He cocked his head to the side.

"I think I'm in love with you." I blurted.

"Like...like as in friends?" He asked, his adams apple jerked.

"No like for real. Because you're the coolest person I know and you don't even have to try-"

"I try really hard actually." He cut in, I giggled.

"And you're just...you're so smart, and it comes natural to you like everything else, and you're different than everyone else, you don't look at my stomach you look at my face. And whenever I see you...the baby begins to kick really hard." I said. His eyes brightened up when I told him that and he began to smile.

"Really?" He asked. Instead of answering, I took his hand and placed it onto my stomach where he'd feel our kid kicking and moving nonstop. It was as if it were jumping for joy, doing backflips, excited to feel it's father. The pain and discomfort I usually felt with it disappeared for once.

"I think it's because my heart starts pounding really hard when I see you." I whispered.

"Mine too." He replied.

"That's all I could ask for." I said, a tear slipped down my cheek. His eyes widened as he saw it. I never cried but I was doing so much of it the last few days. He brought his hand to my face and gently wiped it away, but he left his hand there. I let myself sink into his hand and closed my eyes. I sighed happily. I opened my eyes and saw him staring intently at me, as if I was the most wonderful thing he'd ever lay eyes on. I surged up, he leaned down, and our lips met in the middle. My hands made their way up to his neck, his down to my waist as we kissed. My heart was soaring, the world around us melted away so it was just us two on the field.

"You know, you can go into early labor sucking face like that!" Raven shouted. I let one hand leave him to flip her off while I continued to kiss him. He smiled and laughed lightly on my lips before returning. Everything was back to normal but at the same time everything was different. I finally had my best friend back and then some.

I felt some cramping about two weeks later, it wasn't bad or anything just like a pinch in my stomach. I dismissed it was my imagination. But then it happened again but this time it was a little more intense. So I decided to get up and walk around a bit, saying hi to my little sister on the way downstairs. She followed me saying she wanted to show me a cool new trick she learned at her ice skating class so I lay on the couch and rubbed my stomach while she did her tricks. One involved jumping and spinning, the other was a Russian split, she kept going and going. While she did that, the pain got worse and worse.

"Mom!" I called.

"What Clarke?" She yelled from upstairs. I stood up and bit back some of the pain.

"Mom I think it's time!" I yelled. A commotion broke out upstairs, I could practically see Marcus grabbing the bags, my mom calling the hospital while pulling on her boots, but Glass stood these just staring at me confused.

"Baby time." I said to her. Her eyes widened and she screamed running upstairs. I could hear muffled yells while I winced my way to grab the car keys, I opened the front door and headed to the car, helping myself get in. With each step the pain felt so much worse. Not long after I sat down they all clambered out of the house totally unprepared, even though we had spent so long getting ready for this day. I laughed at them but stopped as another contraction hit me. Glass stood on the front steps while our parents rushed to the car and got in, when they noticed her the cried her name and got out and put her in her car seat. Mom sat in the back with her while Marcus sped to the hospital, I called Raven and left a message to let her know what was up. But I didn't call Bellamy. He had a big track meet today that was insanely important for his future and college and I just couldn't jeopardize that. Maybe once I knew the meet was over I'd call.

"Mom are they supposed to hurt this bad?" I asked. Cold sweat began to form on my head as another contraction stabbed me.

"Oh yes honey. Just focus on your breathing and we'll get an epidural as soon as possible. Dr. Jackson assured me you're going to be taken care of." She said. Of course she's using her friend as my delivery doctor. Wasn't that a conflict of interest though? Oh who cares. I tried to focus on breathing, but every sharp turn and heavy brake brought more pain.

"Marcus please for the love of god just speed through the red lights." I snapped. He gave me a hurt look but it turned to amusement as he saw my face which I'm sure was contorted with pain. I just didn't care. We arrived at the hospital and they loaded me into a wheelchair, Raven had just pulled up and stormed out of her car, her ponytail was a mess and her shirt was on backwards.

"Clarke!" She called. I looked towards her as they wheeled me inside, she ran up as fast as possible and took the wheelchair into her own hands and rushed me inside, we hit an IV stand and started laughing.

"Raven calm down." My mom scolded. She blushed and apologized quickly, she was just nervous like us all. Mom got me checked it fast, and carted me off to my delivery room where we struggled immensely with getting my street clothes off and hospital gown on.

"Ow is fuckity ow!" I whined, I was pacing back and forth holding my lower back. No one told me this pain was going to be like a hot metal band tightening on my stomach and lower body.

"Clarke get in bed and settle down." My mom sighed.

"And watch your language." Raven mock scolded. I rolled my eyes and continued my pace, only stopping to grab the wall when the pain got too intense.

"When is that doctor giving me my epidural?" I planted.

"He's on his way."

"God what's taking so long." I asked frustrated.

"Sweetheart, obstetricians are sadists who enjoy playing god once in a while. You're going to be fine." She explained. Just hearing that made me even more frustrated, and with it another tight snap. I groaned.

"Can we get the damn epidural in here!?" My mom yelled into the hall. Dr. Jackson came rushing in with an anesthesiologist and gave me a shot in the back as soon as I lay down on my hospital bed. It helped for a bit but then it was time to grit down and push this thing out so my painless bliss only helped for what felt like seconds. I'm not going to lie to you, childbirth hurts like hell. It's as if your body is ripping in half as you try not to let everything out onto the table. And I do mean everything. I screamed, and held my mom and Raven's hand, I cried as I pushed and pushed. Jackson was doing a great job keeping us all in check, he kept telling me what a great job I was doing. Raven kept telling me how strong I was being and how brave she thought I was. Mom kept whispering how proud she was to be my mother and to see me being so strong. But I just wanted this little thing out of me. And then when I felt I couldn't take it anymore, it was here. He was there. The birth only lasted a few hours, I came in the morning and by the time Costia's baby arrived, the sun was low in the sky. My body was exhausted, I was drenched in sweat that was slowly drying, I realized at that moment I should call Bellamy finally. But I held off, my mom was brushing my hair with her fingers as I lay on my side, I smiled softly. It had been years since she had done this...it felt so nice. Bellamy appeared in the doorway all of sudden, he stood there in his track uniform, red tank top with bright gold shorts. He was breathing heavily as if he'd just run here, sweat glistened on his forehead and neck.

"Nice shorts." I mumbled. He just stared at me, my mom kissed my forehead then got up to leave us, she touched his shoulder and whispered something to him before she left the room. I reached for him, he practically floated to my bed and climbed in behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist. I held onto him and let the tears fall from my eyes. Everything was amazing at this time, he kissed the back of my head and neck as we lay there in a comfortable silence, the afternoon light fading into dusk. Costia didn't come into the room, my mom advised against it and encouraged her to hold her son. Bellamy and I decided we didn't want to see the baby, he didn't feel like ours, he was always hers. There was no one else on this earth who oculd love that baby boy as much as her. Though I'd never see them again, I knew that it was ok, that I would be ok. It didn't hurt to let him go, it wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be. My mom said I might change my mind about the adoption, I think she wanted him to be her grandbaby after all but, I didn't change my mind. Costia left it open for us to visit, even though it was a closed adoption, however I figured if he wanted to seek us out in the future, he could. But we wouldn't hold our breath. It was ok if he never did. We lay until our eyes drifted shut.

"I love you Clarke." He whispered drowsily.

"I love you too Bellamy." I mumbled.

It ended with a chair.

Costia sat with her son on her bed, giving him small kisses, she'd swaddled him in a soft yellow blanket. Lexa had moved to an apartment in the city, she had cut her out of her life completely, it wa for the best. Her heart still hurt when she thought of all the good times they had, but their relationship had died years ago over the crushing reality of two people wanting different things. When she went to go put him down for the night she glanced at the lovely rocking chair her grandmother had given her as a present. Then she glanced up at the single most important thing she'll ever own. Clarke's note. There was no possible way in this life that she'd be able to thank that little girl for everything she had done for her. She kissed her son goodnight and turned the light off, noticing the nightlight casting stars on the ceiling.


	4. Summer

The sun beat down on me as soon as I exited the house, mom and Marcus were outside planting more bellflowers, Glass was playing in the sprinklers giggling, I smiled hearing her laughter. I adjusted my guitar on my back and climber onto my bike, offering a quick goodbye to my family and then started to pedal towards Bellamy's house. He is the cheese to my macaroni. Usually people fall in love, then have babies but, we're unusual like that and decided to have a baby before we fell in love. Though I can say I've loved him longer than anyone could imagine, and I knew he felt the same way. And who knows maybe we'll try again in the future. When we're ready for it. Until then we're enjoying the time we have with each other this summer, he'd quit track and decided to focus on his history studies after some encouragement from me. We should both be able to pursue things we loved, and we were going to. Because we wanted to. His popularity dwindled when he was seen with me in school, but he didn't care. Nothing else mattered when we were together. Raven even started dating, his name is Zeke and he was in her woodshop class, when I met him, I could tell sparks were flying and this was going to be amazing for her. She told me a few weeks ago that she missed the bump, I had to be honest with her and agree. It felt as if something was missing from me now, but it didn't hurt. It never stung, and I never felt hollow. Just a little lonely at times, now that I wasn't pregnant. I didn't have someone with me all of the time now. But I pushed that out of my head when I pulled around to his corner, and saw him sitting on the small brick fence in front of his house, Octavia was spying on us from the window but she smiled when she saw me. I parked my bike nearby and sat with him, stealing a quick kiss before pulling my guitar around and adjusting the strings. He looked so handsome in the summer sun, it brought out the freckles on his face even more. He gave me his famous Bellamy grin,I brushed my hair over my ear blushing even though nothing was said otherwise. He had that effect on me. Then we began strumming our favorite song together.

"You're a part time lover and a full time friend. The monkey on your back is the latest trend. I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you."


End file.
